Who killed my father?

AUTHORS NOTES:

1.) I want my reader to be on the edge of their seats reading this story, I want them to feel what my character felt.

2.) I think the descriptions I put in really worked well in the story, and it was very easy to write the dialogues.

3.) Trying to say who the killer was, was challenging for me because it had to be 2,000 or less. The problems I encountered was, trying to tell the story without rambling on. There are no weak areas for me.

4.) Is there too much rambling?

My name is Nancy, I'm 15 years old and I live in a small town name Copperfield.

I have lived in Copperfield my whole life. I live with my mom, dad, and twin brother and sister both age 3. Take one look at me and you`ll think I have the perfect life, a loving mother and father, great friends, but that was taken away from me the day my father was found dead on the sidewalk across from my house. My mother who was once so full of life is now deeply

depressed, and I`m stuck with the task of telling my brother and sister who are too young to understand that dad isn't coming home.

It has been a week since my father was found dead. My mother is still in a deep depression and it`s gotten to the point where she just stays locked up in her room and I have to look after my brother and sister all by myself. It was about 3am when a group of people came bursting into my room and grabbed me, I began kicking and screaming but they didn't lose their grip. when I got downstairs I saw one man with my mother and another with my brother and sister. I started screaming but I soon noticed that my mother didn`t look frightened at all. A man in a black jacket and a black hat started walking towards me, as he got closer I noticed a badge that said “CS” on it. I soon got told that “CS” stood for Copperfield Spies and when I asked why they were here the man replied “Because you're not safe here, we're here to find out who killed your father” I asked how they know my father and the man hesitated to tell me “Nancy..your father was a spy”

I didn't want to believe him but something about him was so convincing.
He took me and my family down to the spy program (Sneakily of course). He sat me down and told me his name is Jonah and that he and my father went way back. I asked why he never told me and he replied “Because he didn`t want you to be in danger, he resigned from the spy institution when you were born and never looked back until one day he saw something or shall I say ‘Someone’ on the news that frightened him and he decided to come back” I was really intrigued and asked “who did he see?” “Jesse” “Jesse? who`s Jesse?” “Jesse is an old enemy that your dad fought way before you were born. Jesse works for a different spy institution, but this one doesn't help anyone..these people kill everyone who did them wrong and your father was one of them..he was a target to everyone who worked there just because he put Jesse away. But back in March he saw that Jesse escaped and nobody knows how.” I jumped up and yelled “IT WAS JESSE! Jesse killed my father!” He looked at me and responded “It wasn't Jesse” “ It had to be! He had motive, he always hated my father and you said he wanted revenge!” “Nancy, sit down. Jesse died two weeks before your dad, he committed suicide.”
“Then what about the other people who worked with him?” “They're still in jail, they are constantly videotaped and they never got out of that jail cell. But were still investigating how Jesse got out. Nancy I am so sorry, but Jesse didn't do it” I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and screamed “THEN WHO THE HELL DID!” Jonah just sat there and looked at me wide eyed. I couldn't believe I just did that. “I`m sorry” He smiled and replied “It`s okay, I know your going through alot right now, why don't you go get some rest. “Alright, but before I go I have one more question.” “Yes?” “Did my mother know? Like, did she know he was a spy?” He just sat up, smiled and said “ Why don't you find out yourself.”
When I awoke, I didn't want to open my eyes I just layed there hoping it was a dream and I'd wake up in my soft warm bed, and go downstairs to my loving parents and brother and sister and everything would be back to normal. But it`s not going to happen, my father is dead and my mother is depressed and my brother and sister have no idea what`s going on. I got a tour of the institution and they showed all of us our new bedrooms, since we were going to be there for a long time. The rooms were nice, the beds were very comfortable but nothing compared to being at home. That night as I was lying in bed, a terrible thought came to me. What if they never find my fathers killer? Just then I got an idea, if no one else is going to find my fathers killer, I must take things into my own hands and find it out myself. I got out of bed and started looking for paper to write down my plan.

By the time I finished it was almost 4am and some people were already getting up for work, when someone came to my room to check on me I quickly hid the paper and jumped into bed and ruffled up the blankets to look like I've been sleeping. After that I soon fell asleep and when I woke up I started running down to Jonah`s office (In my pajamas someone had to give to me) to tell him my plan. When I ran into his office, he looked at me from head to toe and remarked “Nice PJ`s” I shot him a look and sat down and told him my plan, he wasn't so sure at first about sending a 15 year old girl out to find her father's killer but seeing that I spent so much time working on this plan he soon agreed. I went to ask for my mother's approval but she was nowhere to be found, I asked the person who was looking over her and she said that she was relaxing and that she didn't want to be bothered.

I went back to my room and put on my clothes that someone had generously gave me since I can't go back to the house for quite awhile. I wrote a quick letter to my mother, packed all the stuff I might need and went back to Jonahs office and put the letter on his desk marked “For Mother, love Nancy” The twins are with the daycare at the institution and I knew they were safe. As I was leaving I stopped, took a deep breath and continued walking out. I have been walking for at least 2 hours now and those few hours I slept are starting to kick in, I began to think I made a mistake, but it`s too late to go back now. I finally found a bus station and decided that walking wasn't the best choice. Luckily, there was a bus who was stopping just down the street from my house. As I was getting on the bus, I remembered Jonah saying that I should always keep my head down, just so nobody can recognize me. When I got on the bus I sat all the way in the back and kept my head down but when I looked up I noticed a man staring at me, he was wearing an all black overcoat and had creepy green eyes, I quickly put my head down and hoped he would leave, but he never did.
When it got to my stop, I basically ran off the bus and started walking to my house but then I stopped because it felt like someone was watching me. I got goosebumps and finally had the courage to turn around and no one was behind me, I reassured myself that it was all in my head and began walking. As I got to my house I noticed the door was partly open and walked up stairs to my house. I tiptoed in and then heard a thump come from upstairs, I looked around and saw that everything was a mess, all the tables and couches were flipped over and it looked like someone was looking for something. I thought to myself “I feel like I'm in one of those crime shows” and started walking into the kitchen. Just as I was walking in, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and hid in the pantry. The person came running into the kitchen and I held my breath. He or she was very angry and it was like they were searching for something. All of a sudden, something in my backpack started ringing and it was pretty loud, I saw the person stop in their tracks and look around, I began searching through my backpack and found a cell phone with the name ‘Jonah’ lighten’ up, I pressed cancel and hoped the person didn't hear, I looked through the opening of the door and saw the person shaking their head and walk away.

I waited until the door slammed before I made a run for it, I ran upstairs and went to check on my room, nothing was gone same with my brother and sisters room. I went to check my parents room and saw that only my moms side of the room was messed up. I didn't think anything of it and called Jonah. I told him what happened and he wasn't sure who it could be but just for my safety, he wanted me to come back. I waited at the bus stop and when I got on, the guy was still there. I was getting really worried and just asked ‘Why do you keep staring at me?” He didn't answer. I just turned around and tried to ignore him until he said “Nancy” My eyes widened and I slowly turned around and asked “How do you know my name?” “Never mind that, I know who killed your father” I was so shocked I could barely talk without stuttering “H--how do you know my father?” “I'm your uncle Greg, the last time I saw was when you were still a toddler, my have you grown” Still shocked I asked “sorry to break up this family reunion but who killed my father?!” “You're not gonna believe me but it`s your mother” My world came crashing down, It all fit, her weird depression, her never talking to us anymore, only her side of the room being messed up. I can't believe it, my mother, my once sweet fun loving mother is a murderer. “I can't believe It” I said between sobs, “how do you know?” he came over and sat on the seat across from mine, “I always knew something was up with your mom, she tricked everyone with her ‘sweet’ personality including your father, and you. When I heard your father was killed I had the bad feeling that your mother was culprit so I looked into it myself, your father I were in the same spy institution and around the time he quit I quit too. The day he returned he called me and asked me to help, but I reclined and now I regret saying no. I went to the head leader Jonah and told him my suspicions but he didn't believe me, I went to my friend who works the surveillance cameras outside of your house and saw your mother shoot your father and all the evidence I need is on this dvd. He pulled out a small dvd and handed it to me. “Nancy I want you to show this footage to Jonah and quickly.” I agreed and when the bus stopped near the institution I ran out the door but before I did, I thanked him. When I got there, I went right up to Jonah and demanded he watch this video, he couldn't believe his eyes. He got up and ran towards her room gesturing for the guards to follow, they moved her caretaker away from the door and walked in, she was nowhere. All there was of her was a note on the desk saying “Come and find me.”